Avocados

   Do you know how many times I have metaphorically been this avocado? I strive for a life or a body type that is not in line with the one God gave me. I am a firm believer that God has a plan for each of our lives, and that He designed us to all look, think, and act differently. One thing about it, our God's creativity knows no limit- so why would we all be identical? There are so many times that I have chosen to body shame myself, looking at what I am not instead of what, and who, I am. I'm not smart enough, fast enough, skinny enough, so on and so forth, que the existential crisis. I am very much that avocado, but I am working on a healthier mindset. No, I am not a size 2, but I am incredibly strong for my size, inside and out. I may not have a trim waist, but I have learned to love my curves, even the ones that I am not all that thrilled about.

   Why? If I was a size 2, I would not be strong. The only way my body type could fit in those jeans would be for me to lose both my fluff and a lot of my muscle mass. And that would not be worth it. I like being able to pull myself up oddball places on my ambulance to reach things, because this body of mine is not tall by any stretch of the imagination. I like being able to surprise people with how much I can lift (although, I cannot lift it high. And that is ok.). I like being able to have curves instead of a plain shape. Not that there is anything wrong that!!! It just wouldn't be me!  I use to work out dreaming of being the cucumber. Now I work out because  this avocado is strong, and she would like to become stronger. And even if I was not strong, I still matter because of who I am. No, I am not perfect. I am a dork, clumsy, awkward, and frequently feel like I am in over my head. And there is nothing wrong with that. Not knowing what to say does not mean I am not smart- it just means I am a human. Crying doesn't make me weak- it means that I care about others, and I feel their pain with them. My all-natural clumsiness and awkwardness often gets my coworkers and family to smile, or even laugh, when they are having a blah or rough day. Who I am as an avocado is pretty great, even though I may not necessarily believe it. Even when I have to loosen to my belt (it must have turned into an anaconda since yesterday!), forget how to English, and feel insecure about my body type and where I am in life, I still matter and can make a difference. I care more about my waistline than anyone else does. Others are not going to notice that I loosened my belt by one hole. Me tripping over my words, or even forgetting my only language, can create inside jokes with my family. And there is not better feeling than someone understanding exactly what I am trying to say, especially when it was pure gibberish. That is how you feel understood, people! Others look at my accomplishments differently from me. To me, my accomplishments are not that impressive, but other people's are. And others can look at my failures without cringing like I do- instead they see how I got back up, dusted myself off, and stubbornly (occasionally foolishly) proceeded to try another 345,345 times. 

 Besides, who wants to be a cucumber anyway? They can be bitter at times, and have those weird pokey things if allowed to stay in the garden too long. This avocado is pretty even when she feels ugly. She is healthy, and learning how to become even healthier. She is learning to focus on growing as a person and cutting herself the same slack she gives to others. She doesn't think anything negative of the other avocados (or even the cucumbers)- instead she looks at them and thinks they are beautiful. So, she is learning to view herself with the same lens. Which is weird, and awkward, and a work in progress. But, it is so worth the work and hassle.  All she needs to do is focus on what she is, instead of what she is not. And see the beauty of being an avocado when the world screams that being a cucumber is where it is at. There is beauty, bravery, and strength in being who you are when the world tells you that there is no place for you, that you don't fit in, and that you will never be enough. 

  Speaking from experience, fitting in is overrated. Honestly, it is rather miserable. And to fit in with a lot of groups, you have to lose your good qualities. You can't show how smart you are because that might make someone feel dumb. And heaven help you if you try to teach them how to do something they don't know how to do. Not having a place can be rough, but my place is not here- one day I get to go home, and I will have a place at my Father's table then. Not being enough is kind of the point- if any one of us was enough, we would have no need for each other, or even God. There is a huge blessing in not being enough. 

  So, my little avocado friends: love yourself for who and what you are, inside and out. The outside does not matter as much as we tend to tell ourselves, and you are beautiful just as you are right now. And remember, you and I are both just works of art in progress. If God was done with us, we would be dead by now. We don't get to be finished on this side of heaven, and that is good and well. We get to grow, learn, and live. We are humans, made in God's image. We get to touch the lives of people we don't even know each and every day, and make a positive difference in their life without ever knowing it. All just by being who we are, who God created us to be.  And that is incredibly beautiful.